Greater Expectations

I want to share something that I've been noticing lately. For kiddos who struggle, whether from a disorder or from life circumstances in general, life is hard - period. Because the vast majority of these struggles are invisible, people have no idea that they are going on. If people don't know that there are circumstances beyond the child's control, they have no way to justify the things they might be seeing from that child (i.e. acting out/behaviours). Therefore, there are people (adults) who think some children are just plain jerks because these adults don't take the time to seek understanding. How unfair is that?!?
It absolutely sends me around the bend when adults judge and/or write off kids. Aren't all children really works in progress? Isn't that kind of the entire point of 'childhood'? Aren't kids also, generally speaking, products of their environments? If a child has a disorder of some sort and less than ideal life circumstances, life has already kicked them while they are down. Why are there adults that still feel they need further 'kicks'?
My philosophy of kids - you can only bring them from where they are and work towards progress. If you place expectations on a child that are greater than they are capable of achieving, you are absolutely setting that child up for failure. Alternately, if your expectations are too low, a child will never have anything to strive for. How are you supposed to know the difference? Know the child! And, for crying out loud, if you can't be bothered getting to know the child, stop judging them for things you don't (or can't be bothered to) understand!
While children are progressing along their life's journey, wouldn't it be more helpful and encouraging to notice the positives than dwell on the negatives? The way I see it, if you are noticing the positive things that your child is doing and positive choices they are making, they are going to start to feel pretty darn good about themselves. When they are feeling good about the little positives, they will likely start to feel proud of themselves. Once they are starting to feel proud of themselves, that will provide the intrinsic motivation that they will need to move forward with a positive outlook on life. When they have intrinsic motivation for displaying positive behaviour and making positive choices, they will chose those positive behaviours more often.
If these kids efforts are only met with criticism and negativity, what motivation would they ever have to make positive changes? If kids who struggle, put forth effort, and still don't succeed, what motivation do they have to try again? For these kids, it's much easier to not try at all, than it is to try and fail. Kids with invisible issues are already putting in monumental effort just to exist side by side with their neruo-typical peers. Now add to that, expectations that are higher than the struggling kiddo can achieve. It's a recipe for disaster!
So, where all children are concerned, can't we all just keep an open mind? Can't we all assume that a child is trying despite what OUR version of trying might look like? Can't we accept approximations?

Music for ADHD?

I read an article today about the power of music to help ADHD symptoms. The complexity of the music has the ability to engage synapses that might otherwise misfire (to paraphrase in my layman's terms). The article primarily talks about the use of music in therapy and the practical application for families. I will definitely be trying this at home with my ADHD peeps (me included). Here is the link to the article:
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/9558.html
My interest is for classroom use. I have a class of amazing and wonderful grade fives who have a tendency to be a bit on the rowdy side. If I were to play soft music in the background of the classroom, would it affect the entire mood of the room? I'm thinking that it might!
My question to all of you...
TEACHERS: have you used music in the background while you've taught a lesson? Or, have you only had music playing while students are working independently? Inquiring minds want to know😉

Why Would I Want to Get Rid of my ADHD???

So...my son is now 10. He's bright, beautiful, and bouncy. He has too many awesome qualities to list. But, one of my favourites is that we can now have deep, meaningful conversations, like this one about his ADHD:

Me: Casey, I was just reading an article about nutrition and food choices that could eliminate your ADHD.
Casey: No thanks.
Me: But, it's possible that you wouldn't have to take your pill anymore.
Casey: It's ok.
(as you can see he's a man of many words)
Me: But, don't you think we could try it for maybe two weeks and see how it goes?
Casey: (starting to get annoyed, with an accompanying are-you-out-of-your-mind look) MOM! Why would I want to get rid of my ADHD???

Touché

For this one, I give myself a pat on the back for always focusing on the benefits and positive qualities of ADHD. Ba-BAM, my son loves his ADHD!

Funny Christmas Story!

Ha ha, I forgot to pass this one along. Autumn got a scratch and sniff gift card for Christmas.  Casey got one with a picture of a snowmobile on it.

Autumn:  Cool Jenn smell this!

Me:  Wow, it smells like gingerbread.

Autumn: Yeah that's so cool!

Casey:  Hey mom, smell mine!

Me:  Ok? What does yours smell like?

Casey: (really excited) GAS!

My son the true snowmobiler! BA HA HA!! 

Happy New Year to all of you! I wish nothing but health and happiness for each and every one of you.  Let's all make our resolutions to remember to put ourselves "on the list". 

Wintery Play Date!

Oh, the dreaded play date.  My ADHD son can be quite a handful to say the least.  Here at home everyone gets it.  We all cut him slack when his meds have worn off, etc.  But, I do nothing but worry when he is invited over to a friend's house for a play date.  Oh, what are they going to think of my wild child?
Well, it just so happens that Casey was invited on a play date today.  He and his five friends spent almost the entire afternoon outside playing in the snow, snowboarding, tobogganing, running, jumping, yelling...  Yes, you read correctly, this crazy wonderful mom invited FIVE BOYS over two days before Christmas.  I happen to know also that of the six total boys, three of them have ADHD!  I understand the method to her madness though.  I have always found that the more kids that are over, the more they occupy and entertain each other.
I was very relieved when I arrived to pick Casey up to find that both boys were acting a little wild.  The other mom didn't even flinch.  (Do you hear my sigh of relief?)  I am so thankful for this mom today!  While Casey was gone, my hubby took the girls to town to pick up some last minute things.  I had the house to myself for FOUR HOURS!  I had myself a present wrapping marathon!  It's truly amazing what you can accomplish when you are alone for a little while.
To all of you who read my blog and celebrate Christmas:  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
To everyone else:  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
What ever your traditions are I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and find time to enjoy all your blessings.

Ever Considered?

I know that this is not really ADHD related, but I do believe that there is a thread that connects all of these ideas.  I was watching a show on TV today that was once again talking about the obesity epidemic.  The woman that was being interviewed struck me as depressed.  I wondered if any government group had ever done a study on the link between all of the financial cut backs that have been going on and on and on and the growing obesity concerns.  Here's how this came to me.  For years now all types of work places have been doing cut backs.  Everyone is trying to save money by forcing everyone to work harder.  Every one's job expectations have increased.  People in all lines of work are expected to take on more responsibility and complete more tasks with no increase in the amount of time they are given or amount of resources that are at their disposal.  To me this sounds like a great recipe for disaster.  Increasing stress has got to be playing a role in increased depression rates.  People who are depressed are likely to overeat comfort foods.  Yes, I realize that this is not true in all cases, but just today when I was reading blogs there were an awful lot of you who are self medicating your holiday stress with Christmas cookies ;)
Stress/depression and overeating are a vicious cycle.  The more you eat, the more you are angry with yourself, creating more stress and thereby more overeating.  This is not a new idea, but I wonder if it has been specifically linked to increased expectations in the workplace?
This also could be a contributing factor in my earlier theory about kids not playing outside as much.  Obese and depressed parents may be less engaged with their children, logically speaking.  Therefore, the children are playing outside less and actively engaged less with their parents.  This makes me think that children might also be allowed to fend for themselves more often, and not likely to make the best choices for themselves.
I wonder if the workplace cut backs are saving enough money to cover the increased costs in the medical and mental health systems??? 
Hmmmmm...

Christmas Don't Be Late!

Three ADHD kids during the Christmas season can be a little trying to say the least.  There is the natural impatience exuberance of all of my children impacted even further by the impending holidays.  Everything has to happen NOW!!! Because it's almost Christmas!!!  No matter how I try to explain that there is still time, it doesn't matter to them. 
Tomorrow is our last day of school until the holidays.  Thank goodness (lol, and I'm the teacher).  We are in need of some serious down time.  This time of year is too hectic.  For someone who has a hard time keeping on top of things (because of my own assumed ADHD), the Christmas season is the most stressful time of year.  I love that Christmas falls in the middle of the holiday this year.  That gives me a week at home before Christmas to finish getting everything in order.  However, for my kids this is an eternity of waiting!  Oh well, I will find lots of things for them to do to help them fill their time.  Hopefully we will get some fresh snow soon so they can continue on their giant snow fort.  I know that a lot of people have been getting tremendous amounts of snow lately, but it has been all around us.  We haven't had any serious snow for days, we haven't even had a single snow day yet.
So, in parting...
They can hardly stand the wait, please Christmas don't be late...

Tornado

I have my own personal tornadoes!  They live in my house.  They only create mini devastation everywhere they go.  I swear, living with three ADHD children is like living with a constant storm in my house that turns everything upside down every minute of the day!  Everywhere I go and everywhere I look is something that they have set down and not picked up again. 
A door open here, a paper dropped there...here a mess there a mess, everywhere a mess mess!  lol
Ha ha, just a fact of life in this house.  One small negative among many, many positives!  I love my storms!

Snow at Last!

I posted previously about how much my kids love to play outside!  Since all three of them have ADHD, it's really quite crucial to their existence (and my sanity).  However, fall in my little part of Canada can be so...gross!  Cold, rain, mud, and not very much fun to be had at all. 
Friday though brought just what I have been waiting for.  We got a foot of snow!!!  Call me crazy, but I love winter and so do my kids.  It gives the whole town a fresh clean start.  Everything looks more beautiful covered with snow.  Of course there is also the cozy sweaters, fireplaces, snuggles, hot chocolate, and SNOW to PLAY in! 
Now as you can imagine there can be a little bit of conflict in my house from time to time (can you hear my sarcasm?), but on Saturday all three of my outdoorsy kids played together without fighting!!!  They worked together to build a snow fort, on a grand scale.  Each of them have their own bedrooms, they were working on making beds and dressers.  They flattened down a driveway to make parking spots for their GT and sleds.  They even started on a deck with a BBQ! 
Talk about ADHDers being creative...keep the snow coming!

I wonder if it's Connected?

I've been wondering lately about the overall perceived increase in ADHD and sensory seeking symptoms and the fact that our society has turned super safety conscious?  I teach.  I am frequently asked, "why is there so many cases of ADHD these days?"  I'm not a doctor or a researcher so I can only offer a standard, "I'm really not sure."  However, I do have a theory. 

Picture a bull at a rodeo.  Once they are harnessed and confined to a small space they become more agitated and enraged and fight harder to get out.  Once they get out and get that crazy human off their back, they start to settle down.  There are still boundaries,  but they are not imminently restrictive.  The ring allows them room to breath.

Now, picture an out-going, energetic child.  They are constantly being told, "don't do that, no you can't, you might get hurt, that's not allowed, get down..."  (are you picturing the trapped bull?)  Twenty, thirty, forty years ago kids were allowed to be rough and tumble kids.  They were allowed to play rough, climb trees, jump off things, roll and tumble, crash and bang.  If they got hurt, they learned, "oh maybe that was a little overboard." We don't let them learn that anymore.  In this day and age of suing everyone for everything, nobody thinks they are allowed to use common sense anymore.  Everyone might as well be covered in bubble wrap, so that it's not any one's fault! 

Sensory seeking and hyperactive kids never stood out this much before because everyone was allowed to play hard.  I'm not saying that we should be negligent parents and turn a blind eye to our children acting recklessly!  What I am saying is that it's our responsibility to find outlets for them to meet those vestibular and proprioceptive needs.  Helicopter parents need to give their kids some breathing space so they don't act out like caged bulls.  Let them run and jump, crash and bump in an appropriate environment.  The more you try to contain and restrict them, the more they are going to fight to get the activity they need. 

I am also not saying that these are not legitimate conditions.  I have two step girls with FASD and many ADHD symptoms and a son with ADHD and perhaps undiagnosed SPD.  They see doctors and are on medication and supplements.  I do believe in the benefits of medicating ADHD.  I have seen the astonishing results.  I do read up about everything that I can and learn as much as possible about each disorder.  But, I also let them be rough and tumble kids as often as possible.  I give them breathing space.  Consequently (I believe), they are on rather low doses of their meds. 

Here are a few of my kids favourite things:

• slide down the (carpeted) stairs - on their butts, in their nylon sleeping bags to help them go faster (they don't get hurt, they don't hurt anything, they get to slide, bump, go fast, and laugh their butts off!)
• TRAMPOLINE - ours is 14 feet with a big net around it, yes I let them on more than one at a time (uh oh I hope I don't sue me) because one of their favourite things to do is bring the big yoga ball on there with them (jump, bounce, bump, crash with the ball, laugh their butts off!)
• karaoke concert - they are singing loud, acting silly, dancing, trying to break dance usually (they get to yell, head bang, roll, flip, jump, bounce, and laugh their butts off!)
• run on my treadmill - they always want to see how fast they can go, I'm always nearby, there is a safety cord, and they always hold on (see, not negligent)

This is only a partial list...my kids are very creative about how they burn their energy.  Luckily we have a house and a yard big enough for them.  Confinement, but plenty of room to breathe!

Now here is my disclaimer...see the irony?  I am not saying that anyone else should do these things.  I am not providing medical advice.  I have no medical training.  These are only my own humble thoughts and opinions, which are not based in any scientific research.  I have no studies to back up any of my theories.  I'm very sorry to say that the only thing I have used to support my argument is observation, old fashion logic and common sense.  I know...my bad.

Safe Adrenaline Rushes

At Great Wolf Lodge my ADHD thrill seekers/fish can slide and swim to their hearts content!  We have been there before and I can guarantee that we will go back again.  It's big enough that we don't run out of things to do, but it's small enough that the tween girls can roam and not get lost.  My kids can expend their boundless energy from morning until night.  They (GWL) are smart enough to also provide a buffet restaurant. My family's favourite kind, not because it's all you can eat but you can pick out what you like and you don't have to wait to be served.  The only waiting is to get a table.  Even then, while waiting in the lobby, there are animatronic creatures everywhere to entertain them.  It's ADHD paradise!
The worst part is getting them to leave.  That's when the reality sets back in.  Of course, everyone was up late, so everyone is tired and grouchy today.  Lots of extra patients required today, but it was worth it and the post GWL fighting is almost over because it will soon be bedtime.  Can you read my smile coming through?
I really think that is one of our most important jobs as parents of ADHD kiddos, finding outlets for their energy.  My greatest hope is that if I find them enough creative, safe, acceptable ways to meet their thrill seeking and adventurous needs they will not need to be dangerous, reckless teenagers!  I know, my fingers are crossed too.  But a season's pass to the closest amusement park should facilitate enough adrenaline rushes that they don't need to speed their cars down a dangerous highway!  Here's hoping...

Phew, What a Week!

What a crazy week! Is there a full moon coming?  I'll have to check on that.  My week was very busy: staff meeting, eye appointments for all three kids, Casey's birthday with all the family over for dinner, hockey practice, students were off kilter this week, girls had a huge field trip to spend the day at a local college, and dinner plans tonight at my mom's!  Now, take a breath...
Tomorrow we are off to the ADHD dream destination...Great Wolf Lodge!  There is something going on at every second in every direction in every nook and cranny.  Oh my gosh!  My kids LOVE it there!  We are only going for one night, but it's totally worth it!  I'll have tons to blog about on Sunday.  I hope you all enjoy your weekends!

Ideal School?

Yesterday I was reading a blog post that essentially was claiming that parents are the best advocates and experts of our own children.  Right! Of course!  Perhaps this is why school is so incredibly difficult for our ADHD and FASD children, we don't rely enough on information from the parents about their own children!

In Ontario schools, parents are involved in the IPRC process and get input into the development of their child's IEP.  Check, yep, we do that.  But, do we really allow the parents to be the experts?  I mean truly.  Or, perhaps, for the most part do teachers and administrators listen politely and nod and smile at the parents advice and then carry on with the standard, cookie cutter IEP drop box suggestions?  I dare say in most cases it's the latter.

Please hear me loud and clear, I am NOT saying this is true in all cases!!!  I have had amazing teachers that thought of accommodations for my children that I would have never come up with.  Alternatively, as a teacher I have come across parents that have not taken the time to educate themselves about their child's relative issues.  Then throw in the fact that, as teachers, we have to teach about 15 neuro-typical children (who still all progress at different rates) and about 5 more neuro-atypical children who probably all have different needs from each other.  Getting it exactly right everytime is an impossible task.

I am NOT blaming teachers for not getting it right.  I am NOT blaming parents for being uneducated.  I am saying that the current school system on the whole is inherently flawed, especially for our atypical children!!!

Parents you are the most accurate experts where your own children are concerned.  What would be the most ideal school setting for your ADHD or FASD child?  Shoot for the moon, I'm asking for pie in the sky wishes.  I'd love to hear the wish list!!!

After a Weekend Away...

Why is it that my husband and I can't have any time away?  Wait, let me rephrase that...we can, but usually there's some kind trouble when we get back.  This is what happened when we got back and I went to my moms to pick up our kids.

Me: So how did things go?

Grandma:  Well actually Autumn has been pretty mouthy all day.  Then when I had finally had enough I told her to go to her room and she started laughing!

Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandma: It wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't laugh in my face about it.

Me:  So Autumn what is the problem?

Autumn:  I don't know.

Me:  Well why were you being rude to Grandma?

Autumn:  I don't know.

Me:  Do you think that was a good way to show Grandma that you appreciate staying at her house and taking you and your friend to a birthday party yesterday?

Autumn:  No.

Me:  Do you think maybe you should fix the problem?

Autumn:  Yeah.

Me: Well...

Autumn:  (calling past me into the living room) Sorry Grandma.

Me:  I think you could have thought to do that before now.

Autumn:  Yeah.

Fast forward to home...about 30 minutes later.

Me: Well you are grounded in your room for the rest of the day.

Autumn:  ok

Me:  And, you need to clean it while you are in there.

Autumn:  ok

Me:  And, while you are in here you need to think about why on earth you were so rude to Grandma today.

Autumn: ok (starts to clean her room)

Fast forward two hours...

Me:  So did you think about why you were acting that way?

Autumn:  Yeah, when I went for a walk earlier, some boys were mocking me (about an incident that occurred at school earlier in the week).  I told them that it was none of their business and I didn't think they should be doing that, but it made me mad.

Me:  Did you tell Grandma that's what made you upset?

Autumn:  No, I didn't want to ruin her day.

Don't we just love the logic of our FASD kiddies?  Oh brother...